Emotion Management

Causes of anxiety can vary drastically from child to child.  Kids are not all that different from adults when it comes to what they might be nervous about.  Frequent causes of anxiety include middle school, navigating the social media experience,  sleeping alone or staying home alone, performing in front of others, or fear that something bad will happen.  Anxious children sometimes have physical symptoms such as stomachaches, or emotional symptoms like meltdowns or tantrums.  

Kids at this developmental stage are often very preoccupied with what is fair.  If something does not seem fair to them, anger is a common emotion.  Many kids do not have the coping skills to manage their anger effectively and end up melting down, getting a smart mouth, or becoming physically aggressive.

Lots of kids at this age are concrete thinkers and still have not grown into their ability to be flexible and adaptable to change.  Some families find transitions (such as ending screen time) to be the breeding grounds for serious power struggles.  While this is a classic battle for kids on the autism spectrum, many kids are literal thinkers and have a hard time adapting to new plans, especially if unexpected.  

Often kids have tantrums when they feel overwhelmed and don’t know what else to do.  Whether intentional or not, this behavior can become manipulative and causes parents a lot of stress.  Parents frequently disagree on how to handle tantrums which can cause arguments between them at a time when it would really benefit everybody for parents to present a united front.  Most kids hate tantrum behavior (almost) as much as their parents do and want to learn how to feel not so out of control.

As terrifying as it is for parents, kids this age sometimes say they want to kill themselves.  What many kids really mean is “I’m overwhelmed and I don’t know what to do about it!”  Other kids post messages on social media about suicidality, with a limited understanding of how such a post will be handled by others.  Still other kids actually feel low self-worth and wish that they were not alive.  Some kids say it for attention.  All talk of suicidality should be taken seriously and evaluated by a therapist.

Some kids who have had a recent loss like a death in the family or who have experienced something traumatic do not know how to handle the strong emotions that come up for them while trying to move forward with life.  Sometimes parents are also overwhelmed with their own emotions about the event and are not sure how to help their children.

Problems at school can vary widely from learning how to manage perfectionism and personal expectations about grades, to learning how to navigate social experiences with difficult kids or teachers.  Other kids with poor grades struggle to manage the conflict that this creates with their parents.  

It probably feels to you like your kid creates all the family conflict, but be honest, you probably also struggle at times to keep your cool.  Kids who struggle to manage their own emotions often affect the climate of the household.  Sometimes the extra attention spent tending to the child with emotional outbursts can cause resentment or behavior problems in a sibling.